...and I've had good reasons for being MIA! A breakup, two moves, and quite a bit else...
Firstly, I was in the CCC (California Conservation Corps) for a little while, but ended up washing out due to a heart problem that they found, same thing that kept me out of the Navy (along with a spinal issue) so that was a no-go. I have a job now at Michael's (which rocks not only because they don't care about piercings, hair colors or tattoos...I have purple bangs now! Purple! And when this one guy was being a total douche and threatening one of my co-workers, the manager gave me permission to punch him in the throat. I almost wish the cops hadn't gotten there and run him off just so I could've clobbered this guy, he was a total prick) and the hours aren't very good, but it's better than nothing, and I'm looking for a second job to provide additional income, along with art commissions, knitting and such. I'm also now taking care of an adorable bundle of fuzz named Bentley, a tortoiseshell kitten (Male torties are super rare, so that's awesome) that was the only survivor of his litter...whether the others got killed by the gigantic raccoons running around that my roomie's mom won't let me kill, or they died of the respiratory infection their mom had while pregnant that they were born with, I'm not sure but he's the only one. His infection's cleared up, I had to bottlefeed him for a bit but he's on solids now, and he's certainly feeling healthy considering how he likes to spaz all over the room and repeatedly test the edibility of my limbs. My roomie's cat doesn't care for him much, but that's okay, she's old and grumpy so it's not surprising she's not really up to kitten-sitting. I need to get more pictures of Bentley though, he's getting big now!
Anyway, a lot has been going on, and will be still, so I'm not sure when/if I'll be updating here in the near future. Just letting you know I'm still alive though!
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Boundaries; No means No
This obviously has nothing to do with Faerie Tales, but it is something that a lot of people seem to have problems with, and I'd like to offer my two cents on it.
Have you ever gone out with friends, either to a bar or restaurant or whatever, and either you or one of your friends said they didn't want to drink anything alcoholic, or didn't want spicy food or something of that sort, and had someone in the group try to push it on them anyway?
It doesn't seem like a big deal, I know, but for some people it is, and it gets to be a problem after a while. If you offer someone a drink or food and they respond with "No thank you.", your response should not be to ask why they don't, insist that they try it or anything other than "Okay!" If someone responds to someone else saying they don't like a certain food or drink by saying "Oh, you HAVE to like -insert food/drink here-! It's so good!" or otherwise insisting on it, then that person is essentially telling the first that they don't think their opinion is valid and they believe that they know that person's tastes better than that person themselves.
Remember: What one person likes isn't necessarily what another person will like. Everyone is free to have their own tastes and opinions, and their reasons for it may be totally different than someone else's! For instance, one of my friends I met at training for the CCC (California Conservation Corps) is a vegetarian. He chooses not to eat meat not out of a moral thing or because of an allergy or anything else, he just considers most meat unhealthy and prefers to avoid it. I'm a carnivore, but I didn't try to push my taste on him. In fact, when he offered to have me try some of his vegetarian food, I tasted a little bit and it was actually pretty darn good!
Another example: I don't eat pizza. I used to, but I recently got to where even the smell of it makes me ill. I know that this is weird, and there are many different kinds of pizza and thus many different tastes, but I just don't like any of it, and having someone insist I try the kind they're having or that I have to like it just irritates the heck out of me. Someone assuming they know my taste better than me, or that I absolutely must like what they like, is just plain rude.
Also, I don't drink, and I don't like spicy things, even things that everyone says aren't actually spicy like bell peppers. Bell peppers still burn my mouth, and I don't like the taste. I hate the burning sensation that others seem to like, and you know what? Nothing wrong with that. I shouldn't have to explain to people why I don't like the burn or bitterness of alcohol, nor should I have to explain that I am very sensitive to anything with the acids that create spicy flavor. A simple 'no thanks' should be enough. However, I am well aware that in many cases, this isn't enough.
Some people will insist on trying to dictate to others what they eat or drink, or try to shame them into consuming the same thing they are. Calling someone a wimp because they don't eat peppers, or saying they're being a pansy for not drinking, for example. Trying to force someone to enjoy something they have expressed dislike for is extremely rude, and often the person doesn't even realize they're being rude.
A good response is generally "Why does it matter to you what I eat/drink?" If that does not work, a good fallback is "Look, I don't like -insert food or drink here-. It's fine that you like it, but I don't, and I'd appreciate if you stop trying to force it on me. It's really not cool of you to keep pushing something I don't want on me." Try to be polite, but if they start being bullying or obnoxious, feel free to tell them to back the hell off, or just plain leave. No one has the right to force things you don't want on to you, especially something so trivial.
As to why some people do this...part of it could be a herd mentality. For example, drinking at a party. If everyone around is drinking, and there's one person sitting there with water or lemonade or something like that, then some of the ones drinking alcohol may feel like you're silently judging them for drinking, and this may make them try to get you to drink because they feel uncomfortable. It may be that anyone doing anything different seems weird. They may be controlling, and not like the fact that you don't fit perfectly into the niche they think you should. Heck, they may genuinely enjoy what they're trying to get you to do, and want to share that enjoyment with you, and they may not understand how you feel about it.
Regardless of why they're doing it, it's not something they should be doing. If it's a recurring problem, try to take them aside and explain to them politely that you appreciate that they're trying to share something they like with you, but you just don't share that particular taste and it bothers you when they keep insisting on you doing something you don't want to, and you'd like if they stopped. If they are really your friend, they'll understand and back off. If they start throwing a tantrum or getting angry with you, that person isn't worth hanging around with if they are going to be that controlling and childish.
Worse yet, if they try to sneak whatever it is you've expressed dislike for into your food or drinks, such as spiking your soda with alcohol or slipping a food you've said you don't like into your food (sneaking peppers onto a burger, for example), they clearly don't care about how you feel. It's not a joke, it's not funny, and heaven forbid if it's something you're allergic to, it could be downright deadly. If someone does that to you, leave. Right then and there. You don't have to explain yourself to them, and if they're willing to go to such dishonest lengths to force something you don't want on you, then they are not your friend and they have some major problems. ESPECIALLY if it's something you're allergic to...if you've told someone you're allergic to a certain thing, and they sneak it into your food or drink to see if it's true, or to see what happens, they could be held accountable for attempted manslaughter. They are a poisoner, and to reiterate, NOT YOUR FRIEND. Leave, and don't let them try to butter you up or make it seem like it's not a big deal. It is a big deal. People have died because of someone pulling something like that on them. It is not safe. It is not acceptable. And overall, IT IS NOT FUNNY.
If you're someone who tries to push something you like onto your friends, even if you do it in a friendly and playful manner, or it's something you really like and think they would too, please, stop. Think about what you're saying. You are disregarding the preferences they have told you, and disrespecting them because of it. You are essentially stating that you know better than they do what they would like, and don't care what they think or how they feel about it. It's disrespectful and rude and you're hurting your friend's feelings and probably making them extremely frustrated. Learn to take no for an answer. No one should have to explain why they don't want a certain thing, if they don't want it then they don't want it, and that's a good enough reason.
This also goes for movies and other things...if someone says they don't like a certain genre of movie, or they don't want to go see a particular movie, forcing them into it won't change their minds and will in fact make them dislike it even more, because they'll have that added frustration of someone trying to force it on them.
For example, my ex loves sci fi. I do not. He tried to insist on me watching sci-fi tv shows and movies, just because there were a few instances of sci-fi that I did like, like Firefly and the Star Trek movie. He insisted that I watch the Star Wars movies, and managed to get me to watch one. I don't remember it, I didn't like it and I certainly didn't want to watch the rest of them, which made him very upset and he would get pretty angry if I tried to tell him that I just didn't like it, or if I tried to change the subject when he started talking at length about a certain sci-fi thing. I think he thought I was being disrespectful towards the things he likes, but I really wasn't. I just wasn't a fan, I'd told him that, and I had no interest in hearing about the plot of some sci-fi thing that I was never going to be interested in. A lot of people do this to their friends and don't even realize it. If someone says "No, that's not really my thing." Then don't push it. They know their mind better than you do, don't disrespect them by insisting that they don't. Even if you think it's a thing they would really like, if they say they don't want to or aren't in the mood for it, then respect their choice. You are not a very good friend if you try to force something they don't want on them, even if you're convinced that they'd like it if they gave it a chance. If you force them into it, even if it WAS something that they'd like if they found it on their own, you've preemptively set them against it by your insistence. No one likes a thing if they're forced to, even if it was a thing they'd like on their own.
Hopefully this has helped a few people out there!
Have you ever gone out with friends, either to a bar or restaurant or whatever, and either you or one of your friends said they didn't want to drink anything alcoholic, or didn't want spicy food or something of that sort, and had someone in the group try to push it on them anyway?
It doesn't seem like a big deal, I know, but for some people it is, and it gets to be a problem after a while. If you offer someone a drink or food and they respond with "No thank you.", your response should not be to ask why they don't, insist that they try it or anything other than "Okay!" If someone responds to someone else saying they don't like a certain food or drink by saying "Oh, you HAVE to like -insert food/drink here-! It's so good!" or otherwise insisting on it, then that person is essentially telling the first that they don't think their opinion is valid and they believe that they know that person's tastes better than that person themselves.
Remember: What one person likes isn't necessarily what another person will like. Everyone is free to have their own tastes and opinions, and their reasons for it may be totally different than someone else's! For instance, one of my friends I met at training for the CCC (California Conservation Corps) is a vegetarian. He chooses not to eat meat not out of a moral thing or because of an allergy or anything else, he just considers most meat unhealthy and prefers to avoid it. I'm a carnivore, but I didn't try to push my taste on him. In fact, when he offered to have me try some of his vegetarian food, I tasted a little bit and it was actually pretty darn good!
Another example: I don't eat pizza. I used to, but I recently got to where even the smell of it makes me ill. I know that this is weird, and there are many different kinds of pizza and thus many different tastes, but I just don't like any of it, and having someone insist I try the kind they're having or that I have to like it just irritates the heck out of me. Someone assuming they know my taste better than me, or that I absolutely must like what they like, is just plain rude.
Also, I don't drink, and I don't like spicy things, even things that everyone says aren't actually spicy like bell peppers. Bell peppers still burn my mouth, and I don't like the taste. I hate the burning sensation that others seem to like, and you know what? Nothing wrong with that. I shouldn't have to explain to people why I don't like the burn or bitterness of alcohol, nor should I have to explain that I am very sensitive to anything with the acids that create spicy flavor. A simple 'no thanks' should be enough. However, I am well aware that in many cases, this isn't enough.
Some people will insist on trying to dictate to others what they eat or drink, or try to shame them into consuming the same thing they are. Calling someone a wimp because they don't eat peppers, or saying they're being a pansy for not drinking, for example. Trying to force someone to enjoy something they have expressed dislike for is extremely rude, and often the person doesn't even realize they're being rude.
A good response is generally "Why does it matter to you what I eat/drink?" If that does not work, a good fallback is "Look, I don't like -insert food or drink here-. It's fine that you like it, but I don't, and I'd appreciate if you stop trying to force it on me. It's really not cool of you to keep pushing something I don't want on me." Try to be polite, but if they start being bullying or obnoxious, feel free to tell them to back the hell off, or just plain leave. No one has the right to force things you don't want on to you, especially something so trivial.
As to why some people do this...part of it could be a herd mentality. For example, drinking at a party. If everyone around is drinking, and there's one person sitting there with water or lemonade or something like that, then some of the ones drinking alcohol may feel like you're silently judging them for drinking, and this may make them try to get you to drink because they feel uncomfortable. It may be that anyone doing anything different seems weird. They may be controlling, and not like the fact that you don't fit perfectly into the niche they think you should. Heck, they may genuinely enjoy what they're trying to get you to do, and want to share that enjoyment with you, and they may not understand how you feel about it.
Regardless of why they're doing it, it's not something they should be doing. If it's a recurring problem, try to take them aside and explain to them politely that you appreciate that they're trying to share something they like with you, but you just don't share that particular taste and it bothers you when they keep insisting on you doing something you don't want to, and you'd like if they stopped. If they are really your friend, they'll understand and back off. If they start throwing a tantrum or getting angry with you, that person isn't worth hanging around with if they are going to be that controlling and childish.
Worse yet, if they try to sneak whatever it is you've expressed dislike for into your food or drinks, such as spiking your soda with alcohol or slipping a food you've said you don't like into your food (sneaking peppers onto a burger, for example), they clearly don't care about how you feel. It's not a joke, it's not funny, and heaven forbid if it's something you're allergic to, it could be downright deadly. If someone does that to you, leave. Right then and there. You don't have to explain yourself to them, and if they're willing to go to such dishonest lengths to force something you don't want on you, then they are not your friend and they have some major problems. ESPECIALLY if it's something you're allergic to...if you've told someone you're allergic to a certain thing, and they sneak it into your food or drink to see if it's true, or to see what happens, they could be held accountable for attempted manslaughter. They are a poisoner, and to reiterate, NOT YOUR FRIEND. Leave, and don't let them try to butter you up or make it seem like it's not a big deal. It is a big deal. People have died because of someone pulling something like that on them. It is not safe. It is not acceptable. And overall, IT IS NOT FUNNY.
If you're someone who tries to push something you like onto your friends, even if you do it in a friendly and playful manner, or it's something you really like and think they would too, please, stop. Think about what you're saying. You are disregarding the preferences they have told you, and disrespecting them because of it. You are essentially stating that you know better than they do what they would like, and don't care what they think or how they feel about it. It's disrespectful and rude and you're hurting your friend's feelings and probably making them extremely frustrated. Learn to take no for an answer. No one should have to explain why they don't want a certain thing, if they don't want it then they don't want it, and that's a good enough reason.
This also goes for movies and other things...if someone says they don't like a certain genre of movie, or they don't want to go see a particular movie, forcing them into it won't change their minds and will in fact make them dislike it even more, because they'll have that added frustration of someone trying to force it on them.
For example, my ex loves sci fi. I do not. He tried to insist on me watching sci-fi tv shows and movies, just because there were a few instances of sci-fi that I did like, like Firefly and the Star Trek movie. He insisted that I watch the Star Wars movies, and managed to get me to watch one. I don't remember it, I didn't like it and I certainly didn't want to watch the rest of them, which made him very upset and he would get pretty angry if I tried to tell him that I just didn't like it, or if I tried to change the subject when he started talking at length about a certain sci-fi thing. I think he thought I was being disrespectful towards the things he likes, but I really wasn't. I just wasn't a fan, I'd told him that, and I had no interest in hearing about the plot of some sci-fi thing that I was never going to be interested in. A lot of people do this to their friends and don't even realize it. If someone says "No, that's not really my thing." Then don't push it. They know their mind better than you do, don't disrespect them by insisting that they don't. Even if you think it's a thing they would really like, if they say they don't want to or aren't in the mood for it, then respect their choice. You are not a very good friend if you try to force something they don't want on them, even if you're convinced that they'd like it if they gave it a chance. If you force them into it, even if it WAS something that they'd like if they found it on their own, you've preemptively set them against it by your insistence. No one likes a thing if they're forced to, even if it was a thing they'd like on their own.
Hopefully this has helped a few people out there!
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Life Happens
Okay, so here's an update for everyone (aka, why I haven't been posting anything in ages.) No, I have not died and become a member of the undead. Yet. Keeping my fingers crossed for the undead thing though.
Anywho, what's going on now...Boyfriend and I broke up, so no more boyfriend, and I'm staying with a different friend for now while getting ready to go into the Navy, which hopefully will happen very soon because if not...well, my seasonal employment at Target ended, they had no room for any permanent hires at the moment and no one is really hiring right now, despite all the applications I've put in so I'm unemployed again. I hope to train as a linguist for the Navy though. All I have to do now is take the real test (I took the practice one and scored really high on it, so I don't expect to have any problems though I'm studying anyway) and get my physical, and hopefully I'll be off to boot camp! Which is mostly spent in a classroom for the Navy and Air Force from what I've been told, the Army and the Marines are the ones getting torn apart in physical trials.
So, I'm sorry I haven't had time to post anything here or on Faerie Fails for a while, and probably won't until things get settled again. I can't find the pen to my drawing tablet right now either, so yeah. It's probably packed up with my other stuff somewhere. Anyway, that's what's been going on!
Anywho, what's going on now...Boyfriend and I broke up, so no more boyfriend, and I'm staying with a different friend for now while getting ready to go into the Navy, which hopefully will happen very soon because if not...well, my seasonal employment at Target ended, they had no room for any permanent hires at the moment and no one is really hiring right now, despite all the applications I've put in so I'm unemployed again. I hope to train as a linguist for the Navy though. All I have to do now is take the real test (I took the practice one and scored really high on it, so I don't expect to have any problems though I'm studying anyway) and get my physical, and hopefully I'll be off to boot camp! Which is mostly spent in a classroom for the Navy and Air Force from what I've been told, the Army and the Marines are the ones getting torn apart in physical trials.
So, I'm sorry I haven't had time to post anything here or on Faerie Fails for a while, and probably won't until things get settled again. I can't find the pen to my drawing tablet right now either, so yeah. It's probably packed up with my other stuff somewhere. Anyway, that's what's been going on!
Monday, December 24, 2012
Holidays!
Hey everybody, happy whatever holiday you happen to celebrate! Let us enjoy eggnog and fudge and all sorts of traditional, fat-laden dishes while we celebrate the fact that we didn't spontaniously blow up because a primitive calendar said so.
Cheers!
Cheers!
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Important Documents
...are important.
When/if you have your birth certificate, high school diploma and high school transcripts...HANG ON TO THAT SHIT. It is hard as hell and very expensive to get ahold of again.
I HAVE SPOKEN.
When/if you have your birth certificate, high school diploma and high school transcripts...HANG ON TO THAT SHIT. It is hard as hell and very expensive to get ahold of again.
I HAVE SPOKEN.
Monday, December 3, 2012
Life happens sometimes, and it sucks.
Sooo....the last time we left our intrepid hero, she had just gotten out of the hospital and was still sick as holy fuck. A few things have changed since then...namely, there is no longer a boyfriend for some...interesting reasons, and there is also no longer a home. The two are partially related. I'm crashing with an awesome friend who is letting me stay with him while he can, and I'm going to see about signing up with the Air Force since...well, work just isn't providing me with enough hours to earn enough to live off of, and I can't continue depending on someone else for a place to sleep. I've never really wanted to have anything to do with the military, but right now it's my best option...work and guaranteed room and board as long as they keep me on, and they'll provide health insurance, which I desperately need. Also, since I need a vehicle but cars are freakin' expensive, I may be instead working towards a cheap motorcycle (found a few a hell of a lot cheaper than any car I've located) and learning how to ride one of those instead. Cheaper on gas, anyway.
So, in general this month has been full of complete suck. The only really good things that have happened so far is that a friend was willing and able to give me a place to stay for now, and that I may be getting a nice bonus at work for this drawing of the company mascot I did that the district manager really, REALLY liked and is submitting to the company head as a possible christmas plush/card that would be featured throughout the holiday season if it gets approved, which I'd be credited for. So, not only a possible foot in the door with the design world, but a nice bonus as well if it's approved! All because I got bored on break and sketched the mascot dog.
Oh, and I cut my hair really really short, and may dye part of it. I'm thinking bleaching my bangs white and doing purple streaks, leaving some of the white streaked through. Could be cool. Can't do that if I do get into the Air Force, though, so I'm waiting on it. One of my coworkers told me something interesting...she said that she's found that after an extreme emotional upheaval or distress or big change, people tend to change their appearance somehow...most often by cutting or dyeing their hair. I never thought about it, but she's right. Every time I've hacked my hair off or dyed it a weird color or when I got my naval pierced (need to get it re-pierced, the hole closed up) something horrible had happened shortly before. Then again, my life has pretty much been nothing BUT horrible events for the most part, so it could be coincidental. Meh.
Sorry for the lack of posts, but I haven't had the time or energy to make with the funnies. Maybe when things start looking better.
So, in general this month has been full of complete suck. The only really good things that have happened so far is that a friend was willing and able to give me a place to stay for now, and that I may be getting a nice bonus at work for this drawing of the company mascot I did that the district manager really, REALLY liked and is submitting to the company head as a possible christmas plush/card that would be featured throughout the holiday season if it gets approved, which I'd be credited for. So, not only a possible foot in the door with the design world, but a nice bonus as well if it's approved! All because I got bored on break and sketched the mascot dog.
Oh, and I cut my hair really really short, and may dye part of it. I'm thinking bleaching my bangs white and doing purple streaks, leaving some of the white streaked through. Could be cool. Can't do that if I do get into the Air Force, though, so I'm waiting on it. One of my coworkers told me something interesting...she said that she's found that after an extreme emotional upheaval or distress or big change, people tend to change their appearance somehow...most often by cutting or dyeing their hair. I never thought about it, but she's right. Every time I've hacked my hair off or dyed it a weird color or when I got my naval pierced (need to get it re-pierced, the hole closed up) something horrible had happened shortly before. Then again, my life has pretty much been nothing BUT horrible events for the most part, so it could be coincidental. Meh.
Sorry for the lack of posts, but I haven't had the time or energy to make with the funnies. Maybe when things start looking better.
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Emercency Room Funtimes
So, funtimes, I got to go to the ER last night.
Important stuff...I'm mostly okay, just still kind of dizzy and having trouble walking and all, but that's normal for me, and they gave me paperwork for MediCal and this other assistance thing so I can sign up for one to help pay for it and all the medications they've had to prescribe to me that they want me to start taking RIGHT NOW, and the list of doctors they want me to visit so they can pinpoint exactly all the things that are wrong with me and how to fix them.
I was at work when it started...I was feeling pretty crappy all day, but I needed hours so I went in to work anyway and put on my cheerful face. What a lot of people don't know about me is that even when I'm in a lot of pain or hurting emotionally or whatever, I'm still really good at putting forth a peppy, happy little girl persona that doesn't show anything is wrong. This is probably why my HR was really surprised when I approached her, nearly in tears, telling her that I really needed to go home after a few hours of trying to work and having the pain in my chest and the severe dizziness and disorientation get worse, and I couldn't breathe very well. She sent me home, Boyfriend picked me up but we went to his brother's new house instead of home, because he wanted to go visit with them. I ended up asking him twice how far it was to walk home, because at this point I was hurting enough that rationality went out the window and I just wanted to go home right damn now, and if he wouldn't take me then I'd get there myself. We headed home, but I started hyperventilating and the muscles in my legs and arms started seizing up, curling my hands into this weird shape that I couldn't get them out of, and making my legs go totally stiff. I was sobbing hysterically by this point, Zack asked if I wanted to go to the hospital and I said no, it'd be too expensive. He called his parents and they unanimously decided that my reason for not wanting to go to the hospital was bullshit and I was going. By the time we got to the hospital I was hunched over bawling like a baby, hurting more than I'd ever thought it was possible to hurt before, and honestly I was terrified and really thought I was going to die. Zack had to practically carry me into the hospital, and a nurse had to do pretty much the same to get me into one of the rooms. It took a while before they actually did anything, and my memory is pretty fuzzy here. All I really remember was crying a lot, saying 'it hurts' over and over while Zack kept telling me to hang in there and stay with him, the nurses barking at me to slow my breathing down but I COULDN'T, and yeah. Tests were run, blood was taken (I remember thinking that my blood was a really weird color- when I saw the syringe she'd taken it with, it wasn't crimson-red, it was more of a lighter red with purplish-pink tones) and many, many pills were administered, including some giant horse pills I could barely swallow. Zack left to go do some make-up work while they continued working on me...I don't really remember much of what happened there, but there were two big machines, one that they had to make me sit up for and since my left leg had gone completely stiff and I couldn't bend it or my waist without it feeling like it was on fire and about to explode, this was an exercise in agony...I vaguely remember screaming in pain and begging them to stop, that it hurt, but being ignored so they could get the little pad thingy behind me for the X-ray. Then there was another big machine that they put sticky pads on me all over for, and these two little patches on either of my sides labeled 'codeine' that I just took off a little while ago, since they left them on and they felt weird.
I don't remember a whole lot after that...I fell asleep twice, was given paperwork and taken outside in a wheelchair to wait for Zack to come get me and bring me home. We stopped at Albertson's real quick to get orange juice and bananas, since they were recommended to me to get my potassium levels back up since they were dangerously low, then went home, where I promptly collapsed into bed and zonked out until noon today.
Tomorrow for black friday I am supposed to work twelve hours. I'm not sure I can do it...I don't have the meds I'm supposed to have yet, and I'm still really fuzzy in the head and having trouble moving around, I'm still pretty shaky and hurting a bit now that the painkillers they gave me (good stuff, mind you) have worn off. I really hope I don't have to call in for that, though, because I REALLY need the overtime pay, especially now. Why now, of all times, did this have to happen?! Blargle.
Important stuff...I'm mostly okay, just still kind of dizzy and having trouble walking and all, but that's normal for me, and they gave me paperwork for MediCal and this other assistance thing so I can sign up for one to help pay for it and all the medications they've had to prescribe to me that they want me to start taking RIGHT NOW, and the list of doctors they want me to visit so they can pinpoint exactly all the things that are wrong with me and how to fix them.
I was at work when it started...I was feeling pretty crappy all day, but I needed hours so I went in to work anyway and put on my cheerful face. What a lot of people don't know about me is that even when I'm in a lot of pain or hurting emotionally or whatever, I'm still really good at putting forth a peppy, happy little girl persona that doesn't show anything is wrong. This is probably why my HR was really surprised when I approached her, nearly in tears, telling her that I really needed to go home after a few hours of trying to work and having the pain in my chest and the severe dizziness and disorientation get worse, and I couldn't breathe very well. She sent me home, Boyfriend picked me up but we went to his brother's new house instead of home, because he wanted to go visit with them. I ended up asking him twice how far it was to walk home, because at this point I was hurting enough that rationality went out the window and I just wanted to go home right damn now, and if he wouldn't take me then I'd get there myself. We headed home, but I started hyperventilating and the muscles in my legs and arms started seizing up, curling my hands into this weird shape that I couldn't get them out of, and making my legs go totally stiff. I was sobbing hysterically by this point, Zack asked if I wanted to go to the hospital and I said no, it'd be too expensive. He called his parents and they unanimously decided that my reason for not wanting to go to the hospital was bullshit and I was going. By the time we got to the hospital I was hunched over bawling like a baby, hurting more than I'd ever thought it was possible to hurt before, and honestly I was terrified and really thought I was going to die. Zack had to practically carry me into the hospital, and a nurse had to do pretty much the same to get me into one of the rooms. It took a while before they actually did anything, and my memory is pretty fuzzy here. All I really remember was crying a lot, saying 'it hurts' over and over while Zack kept telling me to hang in there and stay with him, the nurses barking at me to slow my breathing down but I COULDN'T, and yeah. Tests were run, blood was taken (I remember thinking that my blood was a really weird color- when I saw the syringe she'd taken it with, it wasn't crimson-red, it was more of a lighter red with purplish-pink tones) and many, many pills were administered, including some giant horse pills I could barely swallow. Zack left to go do some make-up work while they continued working on me...I don't really remember much of what happened there, but there were two big machines, one that they had to make me sit up for and since my left leg had gone completely stiff and I couldn't bend it or my waist without it feeling like it was on fire and about to explode, this was an exercise in agony...I vaguely remember screaming in pain and begging them to stop, that it hurt, but being ignored so they could get the little pad thingy behind me for the X-ray. Then there was another big machine that they put sticky pads on me all over for, and these two little patches on either of my sides labeled 'codeine' that I just took off a little while ago, since they left them on and they felt weird.
I don't remember a whole lot after that...I fell asleep twice, was given paperwork and taken outside in a wheelchair to wait for Zack to come get me and bring me home. We stopped at Albertson's real quick to get orange juice and bananas, since they were recommended to me to get my potassium levels back up since they were dangerously low, then went home, where I promptly collapsed into bed and zonked out until noon today.
Tomorrow for black friday I am supposed to work twelve hours. I'm not sure I can do it...I don't have the meds I'm supposed to have yet, and I'm still really fuzzy in the head and having trouble moving around, I'm still pretty shaky and hurting a bit now that the painkillers they gave me (good stuff, mind you) have worn off. I really hope I don't have to call in for that, though, because I REALLY need the overtime pay, especially now. Why now, of all times, did this have to happen?! Blargle.
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