...and I've had good reasons for being MIA! A breakup, two moves, and quite a bit else...
Firstly, I was in the CCC (California Conservation Corps) for a little while, but ended up washing out due to a heart problem that they found, same thing that kept me out of the Navy (along with a spinal issue) so that was a no-go. I have a job now at Michael's (which rocks not only because they don't care about piercings, hair colors or tattoos...I have purple bangs now! Purple! And when this one guy was being a total douche and threatening one of my co-workers, the manager gave me permission to punch him in the throat. I almost wish the cops hadn't gotten there and run him off just so I could've clobbered this guy, he was a total prick) and the hours aren't very good, but it's better than nothing, and I'm looking for a second job to provide additional income, along with art commissions, knitting and such. I'm also now taking care of an adorable bundle of fuzz named Bentley, a tortoiseshell kitten (Male torties are super rare, so that's awesome) that was the only survivor of his litter...whether the others got killed by the gigantic raccoons running around that my roomie's mom won't let me kill, or they died of the respiratory infection their mom had while pregnant that they were born with, I'm not sure but he's the only one. His infection's cleared up, I had to bottlefeed him for a bit but he's on solids now, and he's certainly feeling healthy considering how he likes to spaz all over the room and repeatedly test the edibility of my limbs. My roomie's cat doesn't care for him much, but that's okay, she's old and grumpy so it's not surprising she's not really up to kitten-sitting. I need to get more pictures of Bentley though, he's getting big now!
Anyway, a lot has been going on, and will be still, so I'm not sure when/if I'll be updating here in the near future. Just letting you know I'm still alive though!
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Boundaries; No means No
This obviously has nothing to do with Faerie Tales, but it is something that a lot of people seem to have problems with, and I'd like to offer my two cents on it.
Have you ever gone out with friends, either to a bar or restaurant or whatever, and either you or one of your friends said they didn't want to drink anything alcoholic, or didn't want spicy food or something of that sort, and had someone in the group try to push it on them anyway?
It doesn't seem like a big deal, I know, but for some people it is, and it gets to be a problem after a while. If you offer someone a drink or food and they respond with "No thank you.", your response should not be to ask why they don't, insist that they try it or anything other than "Okay!" If someone responds to someone else saying they don't like a certain food or drink by saying "Oh, you HAVE to like -insert food/drink here-! It's so good!" or otherwise insisting on it, then that person is essentially telling the first that they don't think their opinion is valid and they believe that they know that person's tastes better than that person themselves.
Remember: What one person likes isn't necessarily what another person will like. Everyone is free to have their own tastes and opinions, and their reasons for it may be totally different than someone else's! For instance, one of my friends I met at training for the CCC (California Conservation Corps) is a vegetarian. He chooses not to eat meat not out of a moral thing or because of an allergy or anything else, he just considers most meat unhealthy and prefers to avoid it. I'm a carnivore, but I didn't try to push my taste on him. In fact, when he offered to have me try some of his vegetarian food, I tasted a little bit and it was actually pretty darn good!
Another example: I don't eat pizza. I used to, but I recently got to where even the smell of it makes me ill. I know that this is weird, and there are many different kinds of pizza and thus many different tastes, but I just don't like any of it, and having someone insist I try the kind they're having or that I have to like it just irritates the heck out of me. Someone assuming they know my taste better than me, or that I absolutely must like what they like, is just plain rude.
Also, I don't drink, and I don't like spicy things, even things that everyone says aren't actually spicy like bell peppers. Bell peppers still burn my mouth, and I don't like the taste. I hate the burning sensation that others seem to like, and you know what? Nothing wrong with that. I shouldn't have to explain to people why I don't like the burn or bitterness of alcohol, nor should I have to explain that I am very sensitive to anything with the acids that create spicy flavor. A simple 'no thanks' should be enough. However, I am well aware that in many cases, this isn't enough.
Some people will insist on trying to dictate to others what they eat or drink, or try to shame them into consuming the same thing they are. Calling someone a wimp because they don't eat peppers, or saying they're being a pansy for not drinking, for example. Trying to force someone to enjoy something they have expressed dislike for is extremely rude, and often the person doesn't even realize they're being rude.
A good response is generally "Why does it matter to you what I eat/drink?" If that does not work, a good fallback is "Look, I don't like -insert food or drink here-. It's fine that you like it, but I don't, and I'd appreciate if you stop trying to force it on me. It's really not cool of you to keep pushing something I don't want on me." Try to be polite, but if they start being bullying or obnoxious, feel free to tell them to back the hell off, or just plain leave. No one has the right to force things you don't want on to you, especially something so trivial.
As to why some people do this...part of it could be a herd mentality. For example, drinking at a party. If everyone around is drinking, and there's one person sitting there with water or lemonade or something like that, then some of the ones drinking alcohol may feel like you're silently judging them for drinking, and this may make them try to get you to drink because they feel uncomfortable. It may be that anyone doing anything different seems weird. They may be controlling, and not like the fact that you don't fit perfectly into the niche they think you should. Heck, they may genuinely enjoy what they're trying to get you to do, and want to share that enjoyment with you, and they may not understand how you feel about it.
Regardless of why they're doing it, it's not something they should be doing. If it's a recurring problem, try to take them aside and explain to them politely that you appreciate that they're trying to share something they like with you, but you just don't share that particular taste and it bothers you when they keep insisting on you doing something you don't want to, and you'd like if they stopped. If they are really your friend, they'll understand and back off. If they start throwing a tantrum or getting angry with you, that person isn't worth hanging around with if they are going to be that controlling and childish.
Worse yet, if they try to sneak whatever it is you've expressed dislike for into your food or drinks, such as spiking your soda with alcohol or slipping a food you've said you don't like into your food (sneaking peppers onto a burger, for example), they clearly don't care about how you feel. It's not a joke, it's not funny, and heaven forbid if it's something you're allergic to, it could be downright deadly. If someone does that to you, leave. Right then and there. You don't have to explain yourself to them, and if they're willing to go to such dishonest lengths to force something you don't want on you, then they are not your friend and they have some major problems. ESPECIALLY if it's something you're allergic to...if you've told someone you're allergic to a certain thing, and they sneak it into your food or drink to see if it's true, or to see what happens, they could be held accountable for attempted manslaughter. They are a poisoner, and to reiterate, NOT YOUR FRIEND. Leave, and don't let them try to butter you up or make it seem like it's not a big deal. It is a big deal. People have died because of someone pulling something like that on them. It is not safe. It is not acceptable. And overall, IT IS NOT FUNNY.
If you're someone who tries to push something you like onto your friends, even if you do it in a friendly and playful manner, or it's something you really like and think they would too, please, stop. Think about what you're saying. You are disregarding the preferences they have told you, and disrespecting them because of it. You are essentially stating that you know better than they do what they would like, and don't care what they think or how they feel about it. It's disrespectful and rude and you're hurting your friend's feelings and probably making them extremely frustrated. Learn to take no for an answer. No one should have to explain why they don't want a certain thing, if they don't want it then they don't want it, and that's a good enough reason.
This also goes for movies and other things...if someone says they don't like a certain genre of movie, or they don't want to go see a particular movie, forcing them into it won't change their minds and will in fact make them dislike it even more, because they'll have that added frustration of someone trying to force it on them.
For example, my ex loves sci fi. I do not. He tried to insist on me watching sci-fi tv shows and movies, just because there were a few instances of sci-fi that I did like, like Firefly and the Star Trek movie. He insisted that I watch the Star Wars movies, and managed to get me to watch one. I don't remember it, I didn't like it and I certainly didn't want to watch the rest of them, which made him very upset and he would get pretty angry if I tried to tell him that I just didn't like it, or if I tried to change the subject when he started talking at length about a certain sci-fi thing. I think he thought I was being disrespectful towards the things he likes, but I really wasn't. I just wasn't a fan, I'd told him that, and I had no interest in hearing about the plot of some sci-fi thing that I was never going to be interested in. A lot of people do this to their friends and don't even realize it. If someone says "No, that's not really my thing." Then don't push it. They know their mind better than you do, don't disrespect them by insisting that they don't. Even if you think it's a thing they would really like, if they say they don't want to or aren't in the mood for it, then respect their choice. You are not a very good friend if you try to force something they don't want on them, even if you're convinced that they'd like it if they gave it a chance. If you force them into it, even if it WAS something that they'd like if they found it on their own, you've preemptively set them against it by your insistence. No one likes a thing if they're forced to, even if it was a thing they'd like on their own.
Hopefully this has helped a few people out there!
Have you ever gone out with friends, either to a bar or restaurant or whatever, and either you or one of your friends said they didn't want to drink anything alcoholic, or didn't want spicy food or something of that sort, and had someone in the group try to push it on them anyway?
It doesn't seem like a big deal, I know, but for some people it is, and it gets to be a problem after a while. If you offer someone a drink or food and they respond with "No thank you.", your response should not be to ask why they don't, insist that they try it or anything other than "Okay!" If someone responds to someone else saying they don't like a certain food or drink by saying "Oh, you HAVE to like -insert food/drink here-! It's so good!" or otherwise insisting on it, then that person is essentially telling the first that they don't think their opinion is valid and they believe that they know that person's tastes better than that person themselves.
Remember: What one person likes isn't necessarily what another person will like. Everyone is free to have their own tastes and opinions, and their reasons for it may be totally different than someone else's! For instance, one of my friends I met at training for the CCC (California Conservation Corps) is a vegetarian. He chooses not to eat meat not out of a moral thing or because of an allergy or anything else, he just considers most meat unhealthy and prefers to avoid it. I'm a carnivore, but I didn't try to push my taste on him. In fact, when he offered to have me try some of his vegetarian food, I tasted a little bit and it was actually pretty darn good!
Another example: I don't eat pizza. I used to, but I recently got to where even the smell of it makes me ill. I know that this is weird, and there are many different kinds of pizza and thus many different tastes, but I just don't like any of it, and having someone insist I try the kind they're having or that I have to like it just irritates the heck out of me. Someone assuming they know my taste better than me, or that I absolutely must like what they like, is just plain rude.
Also, I don't drink, and I don't like spicy things, even things that everyone says aren't actually spicy like bell peppers. Bell peppers still burn my mouth, and I don't like the taste. I hate the burning sensation that others seem to like, and you know what? Nothing wrong with that. I shouldn't have to explain to people why I don't like the burn or bitterness of alcohol, nor should I have to explain that I am very sensitive to anything with the acids that create spicy flavor. A simple 'no thanks' should be enough. However, I am well aware that in many cases, this isn't enough.
Some people will insist on trying to dictate to others what they eat or drink, or try to shame them into consuming the same thing they are. Calling someone a wimp because they don't eat peppers, or saying they're being a pansy for not drinking, for example. Trying to force someone to enjoy something they have expressed dislike for is extremely rude, and often the person doesn't even realize they're being rude.
A good response is generally "Why does it matter to you what I eat/drink?" If that does not work, a good fallback is "Look, I don't like -insert food or drink here-. It's fine that you like it, but I don't, and I'd appreciate if you stop trying to force it on me. It's really not cool of you to keep pushing something I don't want on me." Try to be polite, but if they start being bullying or obnoxious, feel free to tell them to back the hell off, or just plain leave. No one has the right to force things you don't want on to you, especially something so trivial.
As to why some people do this...part of it could be a herd mentality. For example, drinking at a party. If everyone around is drinking, and there's one person sitting there with water or lemonade or something like that, then some of the ones drinking alcohol may feel like you're silently judging them for drinking, and this may make them try to get you to drink because they feel uncomfortable. It may be that anyone doing anything different seems weird. They may be controlling, and not like the fact that you don't fit perfectly into the niche they think you should. Heck, they may genuinely enjoy what they're trying to get you to do, and want to share that enjoyment with you, and they may not understand how you feel about it.
Regardless of why they're doing it, it's not something they should be doing. If it's a recurring problem, try to take them aside and explain to them politely that you appreciate that they're trying to share something they like with you, but you just don't share that particular taste and it bothers you when they keep insisting on you doing something you don't want to, and you'd like if they stopped. If they are really your friend, they'll understand and back off. If they start throwing a tantrum or getting angry with you, that person isn't worth hanging around with if they are going to be that controlling and childish.
Worse yet, if they try to sneak whatever it is you've expressed dislike for into your food or drinks, such as spiking your soda with alcohol or slipping a food you've said you don't like into your food (sneaking peppers onto a burger, for example), they clearly don't care about how you feel. It's not a joke, it's not funny, and heaven forbid if it's something you're allergic to, it could be downright deadly. If someone does that to you, leave. Right then and there. You don't have to explain yourself to them, and if they're willing to go to such dishonest lengths to force something you don't want on you, then they are not your friend and they have some major problems. ESPECIALLY if it's something you're allergic to...if you've told someone you're allergic to a certain thing, and they sneak it into your food or drink to see if it's true, or to see what happens, they could be held accountable for attempted manslaughter. They are a poisoner, and to reiterate, NOT YOUR FRIEND. Leave, and don't let them try to butter you up or make it seem like it's not a big deal. It is a big deal. People have died because of someone pulling something like that on them. It is not safe. It is not acceptable. And overall, IT IS NOT FUNNY.
If you're someone who tries to push something you like onto your friends, even if you do it in a friendly and playful manner, or it's something you really like and think they would too, please, stop. Think about what you're saying. You are disregarding the preferences they have told you, and disrespecting them because of it. You are essentially stating that you know better than they do what they would like, and don't care what they think or how they feel about it. It's disrespectful and rude and you're hurting your friend's feelings and probably making them extremely frustrated. Learn to take no for an answer. No one should have to explain why they don't want a certain thing, if they don't want it then they don't want it, and that's a good enough reason.
This also goes for movies and other things...if someone says they don't like a certain genre of movie, or they don't want to go see a particular movie, forcing them into it won't change their minds and will in fact make them dislike it even more, because they'll have that added frustration of someone trying to force it on them.
For example, my ex loves sci fi. I do not. He tried to insist on me watching sci-fi tv shows and movies, just because there were a few instances of sci-fi that I did like, like Firefly and the Star Trek movie. He insisted that I watch the Star Wars movies, and managed to get me to watch one. I don't remember it, I didn't like it and I certainly didn't want to watch the rest of them, which made him very upset and he would get pretty angry if I tried to tell him that I just didn't like it, or if I tried to change the subject when he started talking at length about a certain sci-fi thing. I think he thought I was being disrespectful towards the things he likes, but I really wasn't. I just wasn't a fan, I'd told him that, and I had no interest in hearing about the plot of some sci-fi thing that I was never going to be interested in. A lot of people do this to their friends and don't even realize it. If someone says "No, that's not really my thing." Then don't push it. They know their mind better than you do, don't disrespect them by insisting that they don't. Even if you think it's a thing they would really like, if they say they don't want to or aren't in the mood for it, then respect their choice. You are not a very good friend if you try to force something they don't want on them, even if you're convinced that they'd like it if they gave it a chance. If you force them into it, even if it WAS something that they'd like if they found it on their own, you've preemptively set them against it by your insistence. No one likes a thing if they're forced to, even if it was a thing they'd like on their own.
Hopefully this has helped a few people out there!
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Life Happens
Okay, so here's an update for everyone (aka, why I haven't been posting anything in ages.) No, I have not died and become a member of the undead. Yet. Keeping my fingers crossed for the undead thing though.
Anywho, what's going on now...Boyfriend and I broke up, so no more boyfriend, and I'm staying with a different friend for now while getting ready to go into the Navy, which hopefully will happen very soon because if not...well, my seasonal employment at Target ended, they had no room for any permanent hires at the moment and no one is really hiring right now, despite all the applications I've put in so I'm unemployed again. I hope to train as a linguist for the Navy though. All I have to do now is take the real test (I took the practice one and scored really high on it, so I don't expect to have any problems though I'm studying anyway) and get my physical, and hopefully I'll be off to boot camp! Which is mostly spent in a classroom for the Navy and Air Force from what I've been told, the Army and the Marines are the ones getting torn apart in physical trials.
So, I'm sorry I haven't had time to post anything here or on Faerie Fails for a while, and probably won't until things get settled again. I can't find the pen to my drawing tablet right now either, so yeah. It's probably packed up with my other stuff somewhere. Anyway, that's what's been going on!
Anywho, what's going on now...Boyfriend and I broke up, so no more boyfriend, and I'm staying with a different friend for now while getting ready to go into the Navy, which hopefully will happen very soon because if not...well, my seasonal employment at Target ended, they had no room for any permanent hires at the moment and no one is really hiring right now, despite all the applications I've put in so I'm unemployed again. I hope to train as a linguist for the Navy though. All I have to do now is take the real test (I took the practice one and scored really high on it, so I don't expect to have any problems though I'm studying anyway) and get my physical, and hopefully I'll be off to boot camp! Which is mostly spent in a classroom for the Navy and Air Force from what I've been told, the Army and the Marines are the ones getting torn apart in physical trials.
So, I'm sorry I haven't had time to post anything here or on Faerie Fails for a while, and probably won't until things get settled again. I can't find the pen to my drawing tablet right now either, so yeah. It's probably packed up with my other stuff somewhere. Anyway, that's what's been going on!
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